A tryst with the night

Stealing a moment of respite,
I keep my date, pressing work despite.

Staring up at the night sky,

Thoughts meander -

Resting on days gone by,

Shattered dreams dotting the way,
Aspirations that couldn't see the day's light,
Consigned to the perpetual darkness of the night,
Stripped of the very desire to take flight,
The moon shrouded by the clouds,
Perpetuates the melancholy mood,
And I ruminate on past deeds,
Unfulfilled promises and needs,

Lost in thought, I glance up to see,
A shooting star making its way hastily,
Streaking the skies with an ephemeral glow,
Holding out promises of a better tomorrow,
I take it as a divine sign,
And focus on memories sanguine,
The moon suddenly peeks out,
Revealing to darkness, his clout,
Bathing my surroundings with pure light,
And instilling in me, a willingness to fight,
This was an enlightening tryst with the night.

Solitude

Getting up never used to be a chore,
Yet, today just seemed to be a bore,
Slowly dragging his body upright,
He vanquished the vestige of the night,
By reaching out and drawing the curtain.

The golden rays streamed into his den,
Bouncing off motes of dust,
Revealing the form of a pensive soul,
His furrowed brows did make it known,
That he was man to whom did destiny dole,
More than a fair share of cruel hands,
And that his star now just dimly shone.

Yet there was a sparkle in his eyes - an expression of hope,
And of the resolve to live through this phase - to cope,
To weather the storm and to emerge stronger,
To not shy away from his calling any longer,
He steeled himself - he has a long way to tread,
With solitude the solitary companion.

The eyes of the 'beholden'

They beckon and invite,
Appeal to hopes and aspirations,
Offer glimpses of the future that might,
Be unveiled, if looked through their sight,
Their intense gaze, pierces the soul,
Like an artist's creation, following his every move,
He appears the sole object of their desire,
And so does their beauty don a vice like grip,
Entwining his all in their mire,
Elevating him beyond existence mere,
Intoxicating him, their presence sheer.

...

Wears down this novelty in due course,
The eyes now do not even offer recourse,
For they not be directed at him anymore,
Rather do they peer, to some far off horizon,
Eagerly awaiting someone else to adore,
His hopes dashed, his desires wizened,
Engulfed by a void that suddenly surrounds,
He finds nor happiness, neither solace around,
A part of him does slowly die,
So do the eyes of the 'beholden' smite,
One in whose eyes did beauty lie.

In search

No sight of it I catch,

Frantic grows the search,

For this is no thing to lose...

Friends are consulted,

Acquaintances few,

And people who I thought I knew.

Alas, tis of no use.

Time ticks along,

I grow restless,

Almost sealed is my fate,

When, I catch a glimpse,

Rummaging through the baggage of time,

And emotion,

The byways of the mind,

And heart,

Do I find it at last,

Elusive as it were before,

I glance inwards, introspect,

And behold, it is revealed.

There it stands -

Solace...peace is at hand.

Straight from the heart

Straight from the heart

Ok, if that's too sensational a title, might I suggest - "Jottings on thoughts that are presently swirling in my mind in matters pertaining to live, love, studies and work?" :). I approach this from a somewhat different setting, writing down things that just flow from me, instead of framing stuff to cater to a more literary inclined audience .

Karmanye vadhikaraste
ma phalesu kadachana

In his discourse to Arjuna, Lord Krishna, mentions this to Arjuna to ease his doubts on the battlefield: You have a right to perform your prescribed duty, but you are not entitled to the fruits of action.

I still continue to be amazed how this thought pervades life as we live it, and governs to a large extent the happiness that we experience in it.
Work, studies, love - look back at instances in your life, related to each of these three, that were the source of sleepless nights and bouts of sadness.

The night before the exams, you realize that your preparation is not sufficient. Thoughts of not performing well creep in. If instead, one were to put in the best effort, without pondering on the possible outcomes , it sure will turn out to be better than all odds . 

Extrapolate this, and you notice shades of yoga creeping in here as well - single minded unflinching unwavering concentration on the task at hand - what will it lead to, what next, etc, these are questions that just don't arise. I think yoga flows naturally from the above mentioned philosophy of "karm kar phal ki ichha mat kar".

This is not just applicable to times when you are lagging behind. You are a diligent worker. What drives you? Is it an upcoming promotion, respect of team-mates? Expecting one of these, only to have your dreams fade away, is bound to be the cause of major grief . In-fact any place where you interact with any other human, the only way to avoid grief due to expectations not being met is to undertake, the proverbial Nishkam karma - action without the desire for results, culling the very beast that might bite you back - expectation.


The attitude is also closely related to the pursuit and acquisition of "true" knowledge. There it is, right before you - knowledge. It is not a means to an end. It is not even an end in itself. Its just itself - knowledge. The karma is to acquire it, immerse yourself deeply in understanding it, without concern for how "good" will it make you as a result of you gaining it.


Now, this is where we get tricky, and I'm not sure I have all of what follows figured out in my head.  This is also the portion that, as a Capricorn, I think I should be having the maximum of troubles :P - personal relationships . So these are mostly in the form of questions - swirling thoughts in my head, bubbling around till I have the 'eureka' moment, and see the light:

Detachment from expectations doesn't need to imply an emotional detachment from a person? - I think if one were to just give without any expectation, you are essentially failing to single out a set of persons, who are "special" to you. Can we form bonds of friendship and love in such cases? What is the "spark" if you get what I mean? Does this make us to mechanical? Free from hurt yes - but also deprived of the sheer happiness of seeing your loved one bend down on her knees and propose to you, from the sheer joy of hearing "aaj meri treat" from you friends? The jubilation of when you do get that promotion? The euphoria of when you finally bring home the Nobel?

Of the heart and its desires

 

Why doth the heart desire,

That which is difficult to pass,

And for what is easy to transpire,

No liking doth the heart hath.